Moms at home would make Kansas a better place

You probably have heard the ad campaign for the Kansas Health Foundation with this tag line; "What if Kansas was to become the best place on earth to raise a child?"

Alligator tag at the swimming pool. Crawdads, turtles and tadpoles in the creek. Hammering tree houses together. Digging secret forts. Pedaling to a friend's house to ask if they can come out and play. Devouring cream puffs on the doorstep of the town bakery. How I cherish the memories of my childhood in LaCrosse.

Over the years I've given a lot of thought to the relative nature of joy, and why our childhood memories of simple pleasures and thrilling moments trump our adult experiences. No bills due, no career ladder, no worries about how things will turn out. No plots or plans or politics.

Children have that simple faith their needs will be met, even if they aren't perfect.

In a stable home with love, food and attention, children will automatically discover joy, wonder and laughter. I've seen it in the poorest slums of Mexico and the bamboo huts of rural Thailand. In homes where adults are too self-centered to be parents, the children's faith is shattered and worry consumes their thoughts. We in affluent America are living among the sad, self-replicating results of dysfunctional parenting, but it's so prevalent we can't even see it.

How can we make Kansas the best place on earth to raise a child?

This isn't a magic bullet, but no solution concocted by the state, foundations or any other organization will have more impact on the quality of life for children than a mom at home - period. Whenever a study is published revealing the shortcomings of day care, working mother reporters, columnists and talk show hosts rush to remind us there are horrible stay-at-home mothers and wonderful daycare providers. Working mothers have made the best choice.

The best choice for whom? If you drop off your kids in order to go make money, leaving them with someone who would not take care of them except for the money, don't be surprised if they come to value money over relationships.

I am fully aware that normal in our culture assumes that both parents must work. Most of our closest friends are double-income parents. In many families, the wife has the better job, or the job with health insurance. But the truth remains that a mom at home is the optimum variable in the best-way-to-raise-a-child continuum. There it is, and wishing otherwise won't change it.

As obvious as it might be, the idea is seldom discussed. What idiot would dare blame social ills on moms? Besides, we're all working with mothers every day, and who wants half the people they see angry at them, especially if they are your client, supervisor or boss?

The Kansas Health Foundation isn't going to offer grants to stay-at-home mothers. Nor will the state encourage moms to leave the workforce - they've already spent the money. In fact, legislative efforts are being made to help mothers work as much as possible. Maybe we should set our sights on being a pretty good place to raise a child.

The choice to stay at home with your children is hard. For some it is practically impossible, but working mothers, like everyone else, need to hear there is more to life than making a buck. Not one dying patient wept because they didn't work more hours, finish the big project or make that big sale. All the money on earth won't buy one second back.

I have no wish to oppress or enslave women. Most working moms I know desperately wish they could stay home with their children. Isn't a society that practically forces women to leave their own kids so they can produce wealth a cause of oppression and slavery? Imagine if all moms who wished they could comfortably stay home until their kids were raised because fathers made enough to pay the bills without working overtime. Imagine children cherished, nurtured and trained by the one who knew them intimately before they took their first breath.

Perhaps there would be less taxable income, but we'd need less law enforcement, prisons and, well, less government. Warm fuzzy ads aren't going to make Kansas a better place to raise children.